The New Yorker’s Guide to British English

By Thea Jaffe

5 things British people say that will “do your head in”* – and what they really mean

1. Are you OK?

If you walk into a room and the first person you see says this to you, don’t run to the toilet in a panic to check the mirror. This is just a normal, casual greeting, and the appropriate response is, “yes thanks, you?”

2. How are you?

British English speakers genuinely want to know how you’re doing – in three words or less. Lexically it seems to invite more detail than “are you okay?” but don’t be fooled: this is a pleasantry, not a conversation starter. Under no circumstances should your answer contain any meaningful detail. “Not bad, thanks,” usually goes over well.

3. Toilet

This word means exactly the same here as it does in the US, but it’s thrown around a lot more. You will probably need to say this word to your boss at some point. Try not to giggle. Euphemisms like “rest room” or “ladies’ / men’s room” are not commonly used, causing a slight shock to the American sense of modesty. If you are able to say “loo” with a straight face, congratulations – you are almost British!

4. Diary

This is not a leather-bound book with a lock and key that you hide under your pillow and fill with your innermost feelings. It’s a calendar in which you write down your appointments. So, no need to blush when people ask you to consult it in public.

5. Sick

“Being sick” on our side of the pond can mean anything from having the common cold to a more serious illness. But in the UK it means one thing: Vomiting. So, when you’re emailing the office to explain your absence, say you are “unwell” or “poorly”, unless you want to ruin everyone’s breakfast.

*drive you mad/irritate you

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